SEX CLAIMS! SEX CLAIMS!

Have you heard about the SEX CLAIMS! SEX CLAIMS!

They’re spinning them again,

Sending priests and politicians

Swirling down the drain.

There was a peer who liked peering,

Let’s call him Lord Groper

Often put his hand up

And not just to speak

But liberal ladies weren’t all so liberal

When they were tired of his groping

They all told their tales

And it all got leaked

It was denied, redacted

Admitted and retracted

Then the Party said that it might always have known

So Groper was thrown out,

They withdrew the whip

And his cover was blown

And sadly now Lord Groper has to

Carry on Groping, all on his own.

There was father O’Feely

A priest of deep feelings

Both inside and outside

The priestly robe

He tried to suppress it

But did keep expressing it

So the papacy moved him all over the globe

They sent him to Barbados, then to Mauritius

And when people there got suspicious

They sent him to Stoke

And the papal bureaucracy really believed in miracles

One day when Feely was stroking

He dropped dead of a stroke

We like reading bout the SEX CLAIMS! SEX CLAIMS!

Like to see them on the telly 

Or the internet screen

When some self important ratbag

Gets caught with their pants down

We think it’s a giggle, we think it’s a scream

And when we run out of

Celebs and their SEX CLAIMS!

We sit around making

SEX CLAIMS of our own

He did that to her and she did that to them

We take it in turns

We’re just a load of monkeys

Talking bout our SEX CLAIMS

Whilst the planet we’re on

Is starting to burn.