Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Adam Smith's Sock Problem

Sock, Sock, Sock, emergency
There are no Socks upon my feet,
There are no Socks that I can see
Socks Socks Socks immediately

Woke up in the morning
Birds are singing in the tree
But I see toes in front of me
So I seek Socks with great urgency

Sock, Sock, Sock, emergency
There are no Socks upon my feet,
There are no Socks that I can see
Socks Socks Socks immediately

My Socks are vermin dirty or
My Socks are soaking wet
But I gotta wear them or go barefoot
I got a marked absence of hosiery

Sock, Sock, Sock, emergency
There are no Socks upon my feet,
There are no Socks that I can see
Socks Socks Socks immediately

But am I gonna sit here
Til my feet grow fur?
No! I’m gonna get up and get going
Be a Sock entrepreneur,

Sock, Sock, Sock, emergency
There are no Socks upon my feet,
There are no Socks that I can see
So I gonna start up a Sock factory

Gonna raise up some capital
Gonna go it alone
Get them third world kids knitting
Inna Free trade zone

Sock, Sock, Sock, emergency
There are no Socks upon my feet,
There are no Socks that I can see
Make more Socks immediately

Now I’ve started moving, I ain’t gonna stop
Like a shark in the water,
I keep swimming or I drop
I won’t let anyone else make any socks

Yes it’s Sock, Sock, Sock, emergency
You all gotta buy your socks from me
I wiped out all competition, so now you see
I gotta Sock, Sock, Sock, monopoly

Thursday, August 30, 2007

I am writing this with a mouse that has just eaten my brain (open letter to Quobble)

As a dead critic I am writing this with a mouse that has just eaten my brain and I would like to deplore the directionless neologism so typical of the neo-modern so called 'bloggospheriglobe' now displayed in the trite tractor-stewn pages of the so called shiny new shopping precint style zolan quobble website http://www.zolanquobble.co.uk/.

You can cast your pods as far as you like and stick your feeds right up your RSS. What we need are the old classics that we used to ignore while drunk in upper rooms of Croydon pubs, some of these are sights of special scientific ignorance in their own right.

eg The Quobblishads
The Epic of Quobblamesh
The battle of the immovable leaf covered quobbles
Beoquobble
Quobble's Cattle Raid
The Quobblignion
If you gave me a car