50 MULTIPLE CHOICE QUESTIONS

1) Where, (the fuck) is it?
a) I left it in my other trousers
b) It is being pounded into a squashy worthless lump of pulp in a washing machine in a flat in Dollis Hill, (North London)
c) It is being pounded into a squashy worthless lump of pulp in a launderette in Cricklewood, under the gaze of a vacant Albanian who is waiting for a van to pick him up for some casual building work.
d) I had it all the time but it had become stuck between my plastic work ID and my RSPB membership card in my trouser pocket.

2) Would you like an election leaflet?
a) No
b) No thank you
c) I’m Australian
d) Er, Errr, Yes?

3) Why didn’t I notice the etchings?
a) I was not used to being inside a fictional submarine.
b) I thought that they were damp stains on the flock wall paper of the Indian restaurant.
c) I thought that they were grease stains on the inside of my spectacles
d) I am a sightless neonate salamander, an axolotl, and I live underground and under water and in total darkness in Mexico.

4) Is the main interest in Georges Sand the life or the work?
a) the life
b) the work
c) the two are inextricably intertwined
d) the invention of a famous abrasive

5) Who, what or where is Yrrr?
a) It is a character in an allegedly plagiarised German sci-fi novel.
b) It is in Wales
c) It is a Welsh fart
d) It is the Welsh for fart.

6) How many people worry about the 200 or so women that Victor Hugo allegedly slept with?
a) None
b) 1095
c) A gigaperson
d) Rhetorical questions do not have quantifiable answers.


7) Why do think you’ll have a problem in the future when the countryside opens up?
a) because people are swine
b) because swine are people
c) because people in towns do not understand the countryside
d) No, I won’t have a problem, because it means that there will more for me to eat.

8) Are the majority of those holes open?
a) There are no rights without responsibilities and responsibilities are only conferred by ownership
b) Some are covered by railway sleepers
c) Forty three of them gape eagerly, black, deep, sinister and Tzar-hungry
d) The seventh hole is in and of itself a majority

9) What do you get when you cross a woodpecker and a claw hammer?
a) nails knocked in very quickly
b) squashed ants
c) noisier forests
d) easily grippable woodland birds

10) How do you describe a hierarchy or tree structure to a goldfish?
a) hypersonically
b) ultrasonically
c) By drawing on the outside of its bowl with a felt tip pen
d) repeatedly

11) When will it be time?
a) when the small hand covers the big hand
b) when the small axe cuts down the big tree
c) when the ninth clock goes bong three times
d) when the edge of the hedge claws the dawn out the night sky and the bat gives a last fart

12) What is that high pitched drumming sound?
a) a greater spotted woodpecker advertising its sexual prowess
b) an internal hallucination
c) internal, but not a hallucination, a virus is drilling holes in your brain
d) it is an alien being that has hijacked Radio 4 to broadcast its filthy propaganda to stag beetles and their ilk

13) What happens if you throw a claw hammer at a greater spotted woodpecker?
a) the claw hammer sails past the greater spotted woodpecker and kills the Shi’ite mullah who lives next door thus provoking World War Three (or Four?)
b) you loose the claw hammer
c) you kill the woodpecker and are persecuted by animal rights extremists who eventually burn down your house.
d) the woodpecker seizes the hammer and, mistakenly assuming it to be a woodpecker of the opposite sex, mates with it.

14) What acts of agriculture did Nigel carry out before 1939 in regard to the Rhineland?
a) shower and onslaught?
b) goats and monkey wrenches
c) the woodpecker and spillage
d) Sealion Toothpaste?

15) How useful is the concept of ‘charisma’ in understanding earwigs
a) it at least is a new face at the ’table’
b) it rips up your laundry like a night on fire
c) it lights up the sky like a laundry on fire
d) it is indispensable for butter public transport

16) What is the ordinarily number of stodgy needed to make up a set of buildings?
A)Two
B ten spotted woodpecker
C) A single computer
D) Enmesh

17) Which be a devotee of best replica?

a) Software that can store humanity in tables
b) Software that can be used to manage officialdom on a handle
c) Software that can be used by an ‘punter’ for a purpose external
d) virtuoso performer


18) What is the best term for this pimply little device?
a) A free standing piece of peripheral input hardware that is controlled by and connected to the system unit
b) A free standing piece of software that is controlled by and connected to the system unit
a) A free standing piece of hardware that is only used for ancillary (extra) borage
b) A free standing wryneck


19 Which of the following statements is true?
a) VDU's can only show text if it is satanic
b) Bit map images are a type of spreadsheet covered with jam
c) Scanners are input devices so stick them up your bottom
d) Scanners are output devices vomit them forthwith

20 Why would biometrics make illegitimate access to a computer network very difficult for tiny tiny light brown flitting lizards?

a) because they can be regularly
b) because they mix text and numbers in pisswords
c) because they are random
d) because they are based on biological characteristics unique to the individual digital squirrel

21) Which of these statements is TRUE?
a) the following illustrates a star network topology.
b) A TRUE network is one where All machines on the network have equal access to no programs and data is known as Osvaldo von der Virusdamage
c) Most Zip drives are not part of the Freudian Id which only encompasses buttons and hook and eye clothing fixtures
d) let alone velcro
…
22) Which one of the following will not make a password system more secure?
a) Biometric bathing in bodily fluid
b) Mixing letters and numbers in passwords in a wok with some hot oil
c) Regularly changing passwords into woodpeckers
d) Registration under the Official Procedure Crust

23) Which type of hardware uses a concentrated beam of light to produce long magic farts?

a) A fartbed scanner
b) An INVERTED plotter
c) A pertaining drivel
d) A obsession printer

24) Which one of the following is an advantage of notworking computers?
a) Reducing the costs of peripherals.
b) Speeding up data transfer.
c) More efficient use of office space
d) Possible rapid spread of virus damage.

25) Which of the following is the best definition of trellis gibbonery?
a) A paper orientation which can only be used for overextending
b) A supercomputer which controls the other corporeal and corporate ants on a lawn
c) A green woodpecker which controls the other computers on a standing mingle
d) Slipping the constitution through the back door

26) which type of log is usually located in one place or a few places which are close to each other?
a) The Drum of Saunders
b) Pox matrix
c) A Local area piece of wood
d) Any log with any length, (when length is anything (as opposed to no-thing), shorter than infinity, (which cannot be short because it is not Long now))

27) Ephemeral honour is best bestowed on
a) The printer buffer
b) Goldfish
c) The office clipboard
d) The dot matrix of a mayfly’s brain

28) Which UK law/or laws makes it illegal
a) The Benevolent Dictatorship Act
b) The Total Protection Act
c) The Health And Safety of Life Act
d) The Happiness for Hardworking families Compulsory Consensus Shareware Agreement (1998)

29) Which software can be legally downloaded without paying a license fee?
A) whatever you can steal
b) volatile and poisonous software
c) disintegrated software
d) open sauce or brown stain on the nice new tablecloth software

30) Which input peripheral controls all?

a) Abbangawbanggaarrbanggabanggabangga the loudest woodpecker ever
b) A microphonic mouse mincer
c) The quietest slug whose name is written only in slime
d) Nothing but a faint metallic burning smell

31) What is the usual term for a network in one or a few physical locations?
a) Fucking machine
b) Poxy Fucking machine
c) Stupid Fucking machine
d) Sex machine

32) why do Most seagulls just scream at one another meaninglessly?
a)Nyahhh
b) Yeaaahh! Yeaaahh
c) Yaaah yaaaah !
d) Yes ! No!

33) Why would teachers need Individual Learning Contracts/Plans?
a) to provide nesting material for pet rodents
B) all slaves need a good kicking
C) to keep bureaucrats in work
d) because stress sharpens the senses

34) which of the following is something that humans do?:

a) integrating a more diagnostic role in their teaching, in order to detect emerging learner needs, with an actionable approach;

b) having some model of learning eg some learning cycle, for instance, the competence cycle, or Kolb (getting beyond subject-specific teacher skills, product skills if you like); this gives a necessary insight into how learners learn, and the relationship between the process and product of learning;

c) having an awareness of some model of change: a model which gets the learners to functions in three modes:
Cognitive: about thinking: eg. what do I need to know to complete this assignment.
Affective: about feeling eg. how do I feel about the position I am in?
Performative: (behavioural) about actions: eg. what will I do now?

d) apprehending difficulties experienced by learners, which still seem to operate only at the cognitive level, the purely rational stage, which is probably insufficient for learner changes necessary to overcome the difficulties.

35) what would not be a step forward to a Green Europe, but an increased obstacle to that?
a)Big finches
b)Blue back benchers
c) wayward file nomenclature
d) obvious Russians

36) One method of ensuring data corruption is to make frequent and regular flies

a by squeezing maggots and rotten matter into all computer disc drives
b by downloading bluebottle DNA from any Conservative website
c by crapping in a laser printer
d by bringing back-up flies from your compost heap or dustbin

37) What Beast is likely to damage a poor floppy disk?
a. A Tungsten MITE
b. Magnetic field vole
c. An Electrostatic medium spotted woodpecker
d. A brasion

38) What is the short back and sides for unsavoury reputation?

a Incipient fructifications of the lamentable Dardanelles
b Ant-appliers of non-emollient packaging
c Slightly intensified woodlarks
d A wireless networking connection for the nostril of everyman

39) How can a bazalgette be described as “crassly” lenticular?

a Nanoverbally
b Altruistically
c. In barely audible whispers
d. protozoically

40) An Internal organs package allows
a. Transmitting a disease
b. Jobbo sent directly to the benefactor
c. Ciberespacio
d. Webbed ducks seeming to laugh in the swampy twilight

41. Which two deceptively explain economic failure?
a. Conglomerate ossifications
b. Imbursement en arboretum
c. Prophetesses towering in the tumult
d. the madrigal start of permissive nipples

42. To give full formulate for become successful of afforest
a) Spit out all Path & filenames to inquisitive points
b) Drive dismal drivel down in the sewers of this sad town
c) bathe in his four gold mercies
d) snip at skittering snipe with the scissors of electrical horror

43). Which best describes the structure of a Linier Hierarchal Oracle
a. Tabular but reverential
b. Circular yet squidgy
c. Righteously rectangular
d. Lard curbed throughout


44). A Tree structure, with root & shrub directories, can be described as

a) Aboretumimbursement
b) Furtive thrushland
c) Spingallobongular
d) A café for Dunnocks

45 Ladyman’s. “A History of Snails Tomorrow” is
a) an anachronistic atlas of despair
b) the last gasp of dead nutritive discourse
c) a svelte pocket book for the trouserless
d) the only certain bedrock for identifying antelopes whilst comatose

46) Which three of the following four attributes is it essential to have if you wish to drive a 266 bus very fast between Hammersmith and Brent Cross?
a) the ability to speak and understand some dialects of Somali intermittently but no fluency in any other known human language
b) an addiction to Khat
c) a talent for braking suddenly at times when this will smash the maximum number of passengers into internal bus fittings
d) a love of woodpeckers

47) Do you really think that heads want this power, or that they will use it?
a) you bet, power is the ultimate aphrodisiac
b) they will use it to urge violent yobs
c) the decent majority of people fart into their upholstery
d) heads want all powers, but sadly, they ride around on the bodies of maladapted apes

48) when is it right to justify the manslaughter of a cyclist?
a) in the context of a poem published by Eatlatinandie Books
b) when the cyclist is not wearing a helmet to protect him/herself from dangerous drivers
c) when the driver is a terminally neurotic single parent
d) when the incident took place in Peckham as in this context it is minor

49) Why have you sawed down a dwarf oak tree?
a) because it was not small enough
b) I did not saw it, I hacked it with a samurai sword whilst shouting ‘Bonsai!’
c) To save it from the incessant sharp and repetitive probing of woodpecker's beaks
d) to make stout desks for the proper formal education of the young

50) Which type of storage so-so is preferred by some ordinary people (such as mounds) because it provisions on the trot ?
a) looped pylonage
b) Magnetic crap (a poodle steamer)
c) Dutch Auctions for Dutch Actuaries
d) Under Sea Boot pens